Whod you bang
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Sorry my hands just texted you
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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