who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
