I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Sorry my hands just texted you
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
