im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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