No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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