I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize