you would pick up someone in the library
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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