Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
