i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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