My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize