if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
