There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
