I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
