I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
