so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
