i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
