and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
