he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
