Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Success! We fucked roommates!
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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