dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
My underwear smells like fireworks.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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