I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
