Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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