Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
