Ambien. No doubt about it.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
