i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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