Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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