I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
