you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
