next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
