how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
