Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
