Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
