who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
