I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
