Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
