Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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