2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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