remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
