do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
