oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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