Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
