I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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