I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
