Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize