On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
