what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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