Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
