just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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