I don't usually arrange sex via text message
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
