No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
