Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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