he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
