watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
