why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
