I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
