he shaved USA in his pubs
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
