Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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