Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
