and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
