I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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