You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
