I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
