it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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