So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
