Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
