did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
cat food counts as protein by the way
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
