You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize