you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
