just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
